Yearning for Selflessness

Of late, I’ve caught myself too often dreaming of lying on a secluded beach soaking up the rays. In an effort to transport myself to that place, I’ll listen “Caribbean Blue” by Enya in the van with noisy kids in tow. It’s an escape for me. I find myself anticipating bedtime a little to eagerly. Then there’s this sneaky feeling that causes me to carry a sense of entitlement – “I deserve a medal for all I’ve done today” it tells me. Then when my kids or husband don’t give me thankfulness due, this sense of entitlement transforms into bitterness and anger.

The message I clung to was “you are a busy mom, you deserve a break.” “You sacrifice so much for your family that it’s okay to take time for yourself.” You may be thinking, that’s true, but I fear this deadly cocktail of feelings, tiredness, lack of time in the Word and my selfishness have me drunk on . . . well me.

I resent my tasks in motherhood, and have moved away from seeing my role as sacred to seeing it as dutiful and dreary. My gentle Jesus has heard my cry for help!! Leave it to Vegie Tales to nudge my heart towards truth! There’s a Christmas special the kids watched recently on Netflix that emphasizes how giving is more joyful than receiving. Motherhood is a lot of giving, and I’ve considered some of that giving painful and joyless. Our Enemy tricks us into thinking that what we want is best for us. “If you just had less demands on your time and more margin to do what you wanted, you’d be happy,” he hisses. And our society says motherhood is second-rate to social and career-success. Sure, there’s fun diaper commercials that show how lovely mothering can be, but overall the world tells us we have better ways to spend our time. I’ve even felt this subtle message creep into the fellowship of believers. I feel the need to let people know I am not just a stay-at-home mom, but that I have “greater” goals, too. When inside, I yearn to hear that my role as mother in itself is a worthwhile way to spend my time.

Oh, Jesus, how I yearn to be selfless! To give my husband, my children, my friends more of me and focus less on me. Living with God as our center is the only place to find fulfillment. Focus on self leads to discontentment and living outside of God’s will. “By the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” (Romans 12:3) It’s not about me! In the book “Beyond Bath Time,” author Erin Davis says “to reject what the world values and embrace biblical motherhood – to pour yourself out for another – is truly kingdom work.”

Discipling my children is sacred to God and it deserves my best efforts and BEST attitude. In my heart I’ve always known motherhood is a worthy calling, but the demand and my own selfishness has cause me to question if this is a worthy calling.Thank you Jesus for intercepting my heart and ministering your truth!

“Rejoice always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). So today as you my witness, I commit to change my thoughts away from selfishness and negativity to thankfulness and praise. Also, the next time I take my troop to the grocery store, instead of being impatient when they stop to inspect every canned good, I will praise God for the privilege to be the scout leader of such curious little treasures! For they truly are my treasure.

And as always here’s a recipe::

“Oven Treasures” aka Indoor Smore

  • Graham crackers
  • Reese’s Peanut butter cups (or peanut butter and Hershey’s chocolate)
  • Marshmallows

Set oven to broil. On a baking sheet assemble smore. Place 1/2 graham topped with pb cup. Flatten cup with your fingers of back of spoon. Cut marshmallow in half and both halves atop chocolate. If using peanut butter, smear on top of graham then top with chocolate and halved marshmallow pieces. Place directly under broiler until perfection occurs in your expert opinion, happens way faster than a campfire so stick close! I love mine golden brown:) Remove from oven, top with 1/2 graham and enjoy these treasures with your treasures!

“Dee – wicious” as Caleb, our two-year old would say.


3 responses

  1. In bible study we were looking at Mathew 6, and I couldn’t help but think if those around us were giving us the pat on the back we s o desperately want sometimes, God wouldn’t have the chance to reward us in heaven. Thanks for the reminder:)

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